he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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