whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
