While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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