maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
