1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
