I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
