Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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