highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
