Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
