life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
