there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
