Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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