She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
