the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
