Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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