I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
