So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
