Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
