This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
