He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't deserve a penis
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize