Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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