Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's always time for handjobs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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