Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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