ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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