I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
