Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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