Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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