It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize