I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize