he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
