you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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