I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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