my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
