i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize