he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
