and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
