just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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