is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
