I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
