They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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