I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
