you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
