So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
