You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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