i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
