Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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