How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
