I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
