i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
