Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
