This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
