even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
