Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
