i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
