holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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