Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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