We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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