Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
