So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
