I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
