he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
