im drinking this country out of the recession.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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