so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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