I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
