Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
