the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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