My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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