Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
